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I thought of what my client said in my car the other day as I walked pass by her this afternoon on the phone, with a tear in her eye. “I’m just a happy person. You’ll never see me anything BUT happy”, as she laughed out loud awkwardly. But, there’s just one problem. I wasn’t convinced. Actually, I’m not convinced that anyone can possibly just be a “happy all the time”. Everyone I’ve came across that has expressed that to me seemed desperate to convince the people around them that they are happy all the time because…maybe in actuality they want to be well liked, well thought of? Rather than genuinely feeling happy? 🤔
So, when I passed by my client in the hallway the other day with tears welding up in her eyes. I sort of felt sorry for her, and, all the people who feel a sense of desperation to convince the world they are happy all the time. It seems that modern society has brainwashed all of us into thinking that being happy all the time is what’s going to get us ahead in life. Could it possibly be that our need to strive for happiness all the time is actually causing us to become more depressed? What if we developed more self-acceptance for ourselves even in times when we just don’t feel like “showing up” with a happy mask on and everybody was OK with it? I’d imagine we would have a genuinely much happier world.
This is why I’d like to share some benefits of NOT being happy all the time.
Now, this can go both ways depending on who you are. But, many of us are less motivated to make changes when we are happy. Why? Because we are comfortable. There is no need for change when we are in a safe and familiar place. However, when we are not “happy all the time”, there is a sense of urgency to make things better.
Psychological research has shown that when we are in a happy mood, we are less likely to pay attention and notice details. As a result, our memories are less accurate. On the other hand, when we are unhappy, we tend to ruminate and remember specific details. In similar ways, with judgement, we tend to be more be more biased when we are happy. We use the “halo effect” on people by judging how good of a person is based on their attractiveness. Whereas when we are unhappy we tend to more accurately judge a person for who they truly are.
No expectations, pressure, or pretending. Need I say more?
Nothing feels more amazing than not being pressured to be anything but YOURSELF. It’s OK to be human, to feel tired, or to not be in the mood. We don’t have to be “on” all the time for the sake of being liked. What’s greater is when we are liked for being our true selves, is one of the greatest feelings ever!
Most of our depression and anxiety stems from a feeling of lack, and a sense of not being our truest selves. When we don’t have to pretend. We no longer have to worry about remembering bringing our “mask” with us every where we go. We learn to feel complete in our own skin and to show up in the world as we are. And there is something super freeing about that.
Though I used “unhappy” several times in my post. I want to clarify, anything other than happiness doesn’t necessarily have to be unhappy. We can be neutral, content, or fill in the blank. It doesn’t have to be black or white. The main point I’m trying to make is that, we don’t have to conform to accepting the appearance of happiness as being happy. But rather, we can be happy with simple contentedness.
All of this has reminded me of a sad but true story two years ago. This beautiful black TV show host and former Miss America took her own life by jumping out of her high-rise apartment building in New York City. Hard to believe and gets us all wondering why right? The crazy thing was, no one around her, including her own family had the slightest clue that she was struggling with s**cidal thoughts. I believe she boxed herself into this image of herself as a “happy” person that she felt like there was no way out. In her mind, society wouldn’t be as forgiving of her as a “unhappy” normal person. To her, it was safer to die as a “happy” person than to be seen unhappy and weak. Because people who think like this tend to think of unhappiness as weakness. Well, I am here to tell you that is BS. You, my friend, are free to show up just as you are regardless of how you feel. If anyone seems to oppose, they weren’t meant to be in your life to begin with at all.
Click HERE to watch how The Cottage Fairy from YouTube became everything she wanted, only to learn that she felt empty inside.
