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Recently, a client shared something with me that made me pause. She laughed nervously, saying, “I’m just a happy person. You’ll never see me anything but happy.” But as I walked by her later that day, with tears welling in her eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder — is being “happy all the time” really the ideal we should strive for? 🤔
In today’s world, it seems like everyone is expected to be happy all the time. We’re told that happiness is the key to success, and that if we’re not happy, something is wrong. But is this constant pursuit of happiness actually making us more depressed and anxious?
What if instead of pretending to be happy all the time, we embraced self-acceptance — even on days when we don’t feel “on” or joyful? In a world where showing vulnerability is often seen as weakness, wouldn’t it be liberating to just be without the pressure to perform?
While happiness can feel comforting, it can also lead to complacency. When we’re content, there’s often no urgency to change — everything feels safe and familiar. But when we’re not “happy all the time,” there’s a natural drive to improve, evolve, and make positive changes in our lives. In a sense, a little discomfort can spark growth and transformation.
Studies in psychology show that when we’re in a happy mood, we’re less focused on details, leading to inaccurate memories and biased judgments. For example, the “halo effect” causes us to judge people based on superficial factors like attractiveness when we’re happy. In contrast, when we’re feeling down, we tend to be more thoughtful and discerning, which can lead to better decision-making and more accurate memories.
Imagine not having to pretend to be something you’re not. No pressure to act happy when you’re not feeling it. Simply showing up as your true self is liberating. You don’t have to be “on” for the sake of social expectations. Authenticity is incredibly freeing, and when we are loved for who we really are, it brings far greater satisfaction than maintaining a “happy” facade.
Much of our anxiety and depression stems from trying to fit into a mold of constant happiness. When we stop pretending to be someone we’re not, we allow ourselves to show up authentically — which can reduce the mental burden of maintaining a “mask.” This sense of freedom and acceptance, just as we are, is incredibly healing for our mental well-being.
In this post, I’ve used “unhappy” to emphasize the point, but I want to clarify — being “unhappy” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We don’t have to be happy or unhappy, but rather, we can be content, neutral, or simply human. The key takeaway is that we don’t have to conform to the societal pressure of appearing happy all the time. We can find joy in simple contentment, without the need to perform for anyone else.
This topic also brings to mind the tragic story of a former Miss America and TV host who took her own life. Despite her outward happiness, no one around her realized the depth of her pain. She felt trapped by the image of being a “happy” person, unable to show vulnerability for fear of being judged. This story serves as a painful reminder that pretending to be happy can have devastating consequences.
(Click HERE to watch Chelsie Kryst’s story.)
So, here’s my message: You are free to show up as you are — no mask needed. If anyone doesn’t accept you for your true self, they’re not meant to be in your life. Your worth is not defined by your happiness, but by your authenticity.
Click HERE to watch how The Cottage Fairy from YouTube became everything she wanted, only to learn that she felt empty inside.
