Break-ups are never easy, and healing from a relationship can feel like an overwhelming journey. Whether it’s a painful breakup from a long-term partner or a short fling, the grief can feel consuming. But healing after a breakup is possible, and you can find freedom again. In this post, we’ll walk through 8 practical tips that can help you heal faster and regain control of your life, so you can move forward with confidence and self-love.
1. Understanding the Emotional Process
The most important thing to know is that it’s OK to allow yourself to be upset. Breakups are a form of grief, and it’s crucial to feel all your emotions. Dr. Antonio Pascual-Leone, in his TED Talk How to Get Over The End of a Relationship, emphasizes that avoiding or suppressing emotions only prolongs the healing process. When we deny our pain, it can resurface later, sabotaging future relationships. It’s vital to acknowledge our feelings and actively take steps toward healing. However, wallowing in those feelings for too long can be counterproductive. Start by naming your emotions. Remember: emotions are temporary, and they don’t define you as a person.
2. Journaling: A Powerful Tool for Healing
Dr. Amy Hoyt, founder of Mending Trauma, explains that journaling can act as a pressure-releasing valve when we feel overwhelmed. There’s a significant amount of scientific evidence supporting the healing benefits of expressive writing. A study from Cambridge University research found that journaling contributes to improvements in both physical and psychological health.
- Now that we know how powerful journaling can be, the next step is deciding what to write. Take off the “rose-colored glasses” and ask yourself some tough questions:
- What did you not like about your ex?
- What were some red flags in the relationship?
- How did he/she hurt you?
- What did you learn about yourself from the relationship?
- What were your expectations of the relationship?
- How can you reframe your perspective of the relationship to help you move forward?
- What steps can you take to heal and grow?
- What personal habits would you like to improve moving forward?
- Did you truly trust each other?
Answering these questions can help clarify your feelings and help you find closure.
3. Cutting Ties: The Importance of Detachment
One of the hardest steps in healing from a breakup is cutting ties with your ex. This might feel counterintuitive, especially for those with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), but it is essential for your emotional recovery. Studies have shown that Facebook stalking your ex can prolong your misery and stunt personal growth.
By fully detaching from your ex, especially on social media, you allow yourself to focus on personal growth. Imagine the progress you could make if you dedicated six months to yourself—whether it’s developing a hobby, starting a side hustle, or focusing on self-care. People will notice when you return, and you will emerge as a new, stronger version of yourself.
4. Patience and Self-Compassion: Healing Takes Time
Healing is not a one-size-fits-all process, and your recovery journey may take longer than others. Some days will be easier than others, and you might even question your sanity—this is entirely normal. The key is to practice self-compassion and avoid negative self-talk. You are a survivor, not a victim. Embrace your resilience and focus on rediscovering yourself.
Consider seeking inspiration from role models, watching old movies, or adopting life-changing habits like the “Two-Day Rule.” This rule suggests you should avoid having two consecutive days of slumping. It’s okay to have a bad day, but don’t let it drag on.
If you can afford therapy, consider it—it can be an invaluable tool for healing.
5. Avoiding Triggers: Clearing the Path to Recovery
In addiction recovery, avoiding people, places, and things associated with the addiction is a vital step. After a breakup, your brain functions in a similar way to someone withdrawing from substances, as Dr. Guy Winch explains in his TED Talk How to Fix a Broken Heart. Studies show that withdrawal from romantic love activates the same brain mechanisms triggered by drug withdrawal.
To speed up your healing, remove any reminders of your ex. This might mean rearranging your living space, avoiding certain hangout spots, or cutting ties with mutual friends who trigger painful memories. It may even be necessary to stop watching certain shows or get rid of sentimental items that keep you stuck in the past.
6. Grounding Techniques: Staying Present During Emotional Overwhelm
Grounding techniques are helpful for regaining awareness of the present moment, especially during periods of intense emotion. The National Institute of Health outlines several grounding techniques, which can help alleviate anxiety, depression, and overall stress. These practices, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or focusing on your senses, help calm your mind and bring you back to the present moment.
Routines are also incredibly beneficial during times of emotional upheaval. Establishing a daily routine gives a sense of normalcy when everything else feels chaotic. Routines can reduce stress and improve your self-confidence.
7. Letting Go of the Need for Closure
A common challenge after a breakup is the need for closure. Your mind will likely replay scenarios, imagining what could have been or repeatedly questioning what went wrong. However, according to Dr. Winch, constantly seeking an explanation or closure only prolongs the healing process. No answer will ever be good enough to undo the pain of the breakup.
Accepting that no explanation can bring closure is liberating. Your mind will try to convince you that the relationship was perfect, but remind yourself that it wasn’t. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to let go.
8. Transforming Pain into Growth: Lessons Learned
Forgive yourself for feeling like you wasted your time or lowered your standards in the past. Every relationship offers valuable lessons about who you are and what you need. Reflect on these lessons in your journal to prevent making the same mistakes in future relationships.
A comforting verse from Genesis 50:20 reminds us that, “What others intended for evil, God meant for good.” This perspective can help you reframe your pain as a catalyst for growth. After all, pressure creates diamonds.
Watch My YouTube Video To Heal From A Break-Up
Read my personal story here on how I became an addict during my studies as a dietitian, and how I overcame my struggles.
Risa Patterson
